Mixtape for 2011

This is what 2011 sounded like over here. This lists spans all of 2011, in chronological order, more or less. There are some songs that have fallen through the cracks of this list, but this is a long enough list as it is. Enjoy!

"In My Mind" - Amanda Palmer

I remember listening to this song a lot at the beginning of 2011. The lyrics were really relevant to me, realizing I was already done with college and nearly 23... Realizing that I'm not some kid locked in my bedroom, dreaming about when I grow up. I became the grown up at some point. This song is brilliant, and it's exactly what I needed at the beginning of this transitional year.

"Humble Me" - Norah Jones

A lonely little song.

"Throw Me a Rope" - KT Tunstall

This song breaks my heart every time I hear it. 

"Everybody Knows" - John Legend

I just like this groove. This reminds me more of the beginning of 2011.

"Brown Eyed Girl" - Everclear

Everclear and I spent a lot of time together this year. It's hard to pick one specific Everclear song, but I went for this one. 
"I Never Learnt to Share" - James Blake
I distinctly remember the first time I heard this song. For someone with a horrible memory, that's saying something. This song will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. haha I had to take it off my iPod because every time it came on shuffle, I would get chills and it would just completely change my mood. 
"Constant Surprises" - Little Dragon
Specifically, sitting in Main Street Cafe in Grapevine on my break and unexpectedly hearing this play.

"Not In Love" - Crystal Castles (featuring Robert Smith)
In retrospect, if there ever was a sign, this should have been it: Robert Smith of the Cure, who I love, stepping in to shake my shoulders. haha, Oh well. Mistakes can make fun memories.
"Dance Me to the End of Love" - Leonard Cohen / The Civil Wars
Both versions of this song are lovely, and both meant a lot this year.
"Georgia on My Mind" - Billie Holiday
Thank you, Half Price Books in Keller. 
"This Charming Man" - cover by Death Cab for Cutie
Keller
"Adolescents" - Incubus
Keller.
"The Sound of Sunshine" - Michael Franti

This is a song I listened to when I got home from my job in Dallas and went for jogs around my mom's happy little neighborhood, dreaming about summer (before we knew how terribly hot it was going to be).
"A Day at the Races" - Jurassic 5
Mind-blowing.
"Friday" - Rebecca Black
Obviously.
"Satisfied Mind" - Jeff Buckley
I first heard Jeff Buckley's unfinished album Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk this spring, and I remember listening to this song in my car as I drove to work a nanny event at Great Wolf Lodge. It came to mean a lot more after Tori died.

"Black Sands" - Bonobo

I remember this from a lot of my drives home from work when I was still living in Keller. It fit beautifully with the view.

"Bixby Canyon Bridge" - Death Cab for Cutie
This song is for Tori.  
"My Little Girl" - Jack Johnson
I found this song very comforting. I always let it play.
"Goodbye" - Eddie Vedder
I mostly listened to this in my car on long drives. It's beautiful, but it's really hard to listen to.

"I'm Alright" - Madeleine Peyroux
I listened to a lot of Madeleine Peyroux this summer. 
"Set Fire to the Rain" - Adele 
Adele belts it the way I wish I could in the shower. haha, This song got me through some stuff.
"Little Bit" - Lykke Li featuring Drake
I must have listened to this song a thousand times. Something about it... It clicked with me.
"Til the World Ends"
for my nights dancing at S4
"Super Bass"
for the new apartment & nights at S4
"Judas"
dancing at S4... running next to Leah @ LA Fitness. "Jew DA!" :)
"Beau Fixe"
a sad little lullaby from when my heart was being messed with 
"Wait" - Alexi Murdoch
There were days when I put this song on repeat. I might have ruined it for myself. haha But, really, it's beautiful.
"Me Llaman Calle" - Manu Chao
"Parliament" - Morzsa Records 
Really beautiful song sung by Justin Spike of Har Herrar & Mount Righteous.
"Jejune Stars" - Bright Eyes

I saw my first famous-person concert ever this year with Karly, thanks to Liz Jackson. It was pretty bomb diggity. This song makes me think of highway-driving at night.
"Call Your Girlfriend" - Robyn
The first song to make me want to treat the treadmill as a dance floor. I have a very lovely memory of dancing in an empty (except for the jazz band unloading their instruments) bar with Jen Muh, Leah, & Erica in Deep Ellum.
"Valerie" Amy Winehouse & Mark Ronson

You wanna dance? This is the jam. This reminds me of getting ready with Karly in our hotel room for the Margarita Ball. And dancing in my car after work.   
"Where Our Destination Lies" - Death Cab for Cutie
Thank you to Karly for putting this on a cd for me. I listened to this the day I drove to the house I grew up in in Plano, and I felt unbelievably more at peace, 
"Stay Young Go Dancing" - Death Cab for Cutie
Thank you to Karly for putting this on a cd for me. This is exactly how I feel just about every time I go out with my friends because I am so nostalgic that I already am imagining looking back on these ridiculous outings with a lot of gushy love.
"These Days" - St. Vincent 
The first time I heard this song, I was waiting for my mom in Main Street Cafe. I was being a bit of a hipster, listening to my iPod while drinking my black coffee out of a big white coffee cup. And then this song came on, and the sunlight was coming in through these old windows... It was magical.

"Mass Destruction" - Faithless

Dave Grohl spoke about this song in Q magazine. And, yes, it's really good.

"Lithium" - Little Roy 

This Nirvana cover is the bomb, and you should check it out. You'll jam.

"Dream a Little Dream" - Louis Armstrong
Haunting and sweet. I really got into Louis Armstrong this year.
"Green Lights" - Aloe Blacc
Talk about a smooth groove of gratitude.


"What Am I Gonna Get (for Chrimbus)" - Tim & Eric
"The Christmas Waltz" - She & Him
I fell in love with this. It fit perfectly with the vibe of this Christmas - calm, content, warm & fuzzy.






Albums of the Year
Adele's 21 
I heard this album playing in every Barnes and Noble, every Starbucks, every everywhere. This album definitely made this year its own.
Jeff Buckley Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk
There are some really phenomenal songs on these two cds. Jeff Buckley was incredible.
Jeff Buckley's Live at Sin-é
The big Half Price Books in Dallas definitely became a beloved spot, especially after I stumbled up this treasure. Pick it up. It's a wonderful live cd from a time before Jeff Buckley's fame. 
Foo Fighters' Wasting Light
I first saw a flyer for this album in a Cafe Brazil in Dallas. I love Dave Grohl, so even if this album was really terrible, I'd listen to it. 
Gavin Degraw's Chariot
This album came out forever ago, I know. But I bought it in May, and when Tori died, it was basically the only thing I listened to for a month straight. Well, not the only thing. But when I had to make the drive from my job in Dallas back to Keller 5 days a week for 6 weeks, I pretty much only listened to this. I don't think I could have handled sad indie music then, so Gavin Degraw swooped in and made things not so nuts.
Everclear's Slowmotion Daydream & Songs From an American Movie
I listened to so much Everclear this year. Cowpunk is awesome.
Madeleine Peyroux's Careless Love
She's exactly who I like to listen to on quiet, sunny Saturday mornings. And she makes me crave France.
Radiohead's The Bends & OK Computer
I heard these for the first time ever this year. I have been missing out on a lot by not having these albums earlier. But, better late than never!
Bonobo's Black Sands
I am a huge fan of this album. When I hear the music, I see sunsets over rolling hills in Tarrant County... driving on empty highways... lovely.
St. Vincent's Strange Mercy
This is a newer addition, but I have loved this album so much. It will no doubt spill over into the sound of 2012.






So that's 2011. This year changed me so completely. I have let go of a lot of the weak parts of myself, sometimes by choice and sometimes because I simply had to deal with things out of my control. It was a hard year, but I am very happy to be who I am now. 


Happy New Year!


xoxo
Amanda Rachel

Happy Halloween

BOO!
Jeff Buckley's website posted this today, and my holiday is complete!!!

Happy Halloween!

xoxo

Amanda Rachel 

Halloween Weekend

Playlist for Halloween weekend:

Of course, #1 - "Don't Fear the Reaper" - Blue Oyster Cult
"Mass Destruction" - Faithless
"Here Comes Your Man" - The Pixies
"Walk" - Foo Fighters
"If You're Not Human" - Daniel Bedingfield vs. The Killers
"We Found Love" - Rihanna (dig the video)
"Best Love You Never Had" - Florence & the Machine vs Beyonce
"Lithium" - Nirvana cover by Little Roy
"Can't Help Falling In Love" - Ingrid Michaelson's cover
"Stay Young, Go Dancing" - Death Cab for Cutie

(I clearly read Q Magazine this week and was excited about the grunge-love.)

Belting, wailing, howling. I love it. That's why I have to add Adele's entire 21 album to my playlist. Plus, her new video for "Someone Like You" is absolutely gorgeous and perfect. Then there's Incubus. I fell in love with Make Yourself in 8th grade. After that came Morning View, which is one of those albums I would sit and listen to from start to finish. I'm really enjoying their latest, If Not Now, When?... The album suits me. It isn't for everyone, but I'll tell you this much - I could spend hours listening to Brandon Boyd howl.

My roommate & I went out last night to a couple of Halloween parties. It made me so happy to see so many people go all-out for Halloween. Those are my people! The decorations were the bomb. The costumes were wonderful. I'm always happy to see a Mario & Luigi duo. 

Here's my meow-fit. See what I did there?

I like to think of this little guy as my inspiration. 

This was, admittedly, a tough weekend. For one, yesterday was the wedding of an old friend of mine. In a way, it's strange that I wasn't there. Strange where time has moved all of us. We've come a long way in five years, and it only gets more bizarre from here.

Still coping with Tori's death. I'm continually surprised by how it seems to have changed me. Still learning how it affects me.

But, I'm here, for now. So until I'm not, I am attempting to experience as passionately and enthusiastically as ever, regardless of what's fair and what's not. 

Over the past few weeks, I've made a substantial addition to my book collection. I'll be trying to catch up for a long while.

Ryan went to the big warehouse sale at Half Price Books. Most of this is his, but he got me a few.

I went to Barnes and Noble today and picked up these magazines. Half Price Books for the poetry & plays.

I need more time for this stuff. I envy my brother's work schedule as a fire fighter. I think that's the way to do it. I would work a 48-hour shift just to have the rest of the week to myself. To actually have a life five days a week, instead of a measly two.

It's funny to think of how much time I really had to myself in college and how little I really did with it. I enjoyed myself absolutely, but now I find myself much more involved with my free time. And maybe that's because in the past, in the pre-workforce days, I spent most of my time and energy on my friendships and relationships, the little dramas and joys. Now it's hard to put as much energy into those friendships, and even harder to put in the time. I'm telling you, this growing up thing is a really sad process for me.

Still, everything is quite okay. There are people I've met through work who feel the same twinge of "am I doing the right thing by being here?" every day. We laugh through it. It's a great relief to get out of my head and laugh about the circumstance with those who are in it, too.

Karly & I have been looking up prices to get to Paris. Leah & I have been talking about California beaches. But tonight I am grateful to be in my Dallas apartment with the windows open and the low-flying planes landing in the private fields. Simplicity is nice. And when Jen Muh moves out here, I'll be fantastically happy. She's the best.

Oh, and I can't wait to go see "Like Crazy" twelve times.

xoxo

Amanda Rachel

Tori's Birthday

Today is Tori's birthday. 10-9-87. 

She was just so cool. It's amazing to see how many people's lives she brightened. 

It's raining today. The pumpkin candles are lit, and I've been listening to Louis Armstrong and Ray Charles all morning.

With Tori gone, it feels more than ever that our high school and college years are where reality exists, and everything that has happened since is just some dream someone's having about the future. It's hard to imagine a high school reunion without Tori. It's hard to imagine never hearing someone call me "Panda" again. Not that I'm particularly attached to the name, but Tori was the only person who ever called me that. She was just so adorable. Always laughing. So much of who she inherently was is what I aspire to be.

There's nothing I can say that isn't incredibly cliche. Yes, I can't believe she's really gone. I can't wrap my mind around the idea that there is no Tori anywhere. I am so, so incredibly grateful that I was such a weirdo in high school and carried a camera around all the time. Here's an unfortunately short clip of Tori when I ran into her after class one day.

We love you Tori.

Take care.

xoxo

Amanda Rachel

Gift Day! September 26

I got gifts galore. Totally unexpected.

My boss and co-workers got me this coffee mug for holding down the fort while they were gone to a conference. This is much snazzier than drinking out of styrofoam cups. It was really sweet of them.

And you can see the tag on my vanilla tea. "Work, but don't forget to live." This one will probably get me through the next eight months.

At our lunch break, Karly gave me a mix CD. How much do I love mix CDs? So much.

xoxo - Amanda Rachel

September 24

Saturday September 24th... Downtown Dallas. 

I went to the Crooked Tree Coffee House. When I walked in... wow. I spent four years of college in Denton, and I felt like I was home sweet hipster-home. Crooked Tree is just like Art 6, but smaller. And the seating was quite a bit more awkward. The only place left to sit was a hard chair at a tiny table facing a wall. But you gotta love that people come here and sit next to each other on comfy couches, doing their business on their laptops.

I know it seems like all I'm looking for is a coffee house. But I didn't go looking for coffee. I just had very little time before I was supposed to meet up with Liz. Coffee is always the quickest solution.

When facing a blank orange wall with my back to someone started to feel way too much like a cubicle, I relocated to the Starbucks by my apartment. What can I say?

Liz & I were meeting for dinner at the Meridian Room. Traffic was crazy, but at least it was scenic. Pictures of sunsets never do justice, but...

Liz & I sat outside with our drinks and caught up after a long time not seeing each other. So good to see her. Look how cool.

We made friends with the people we shared our table with, which is always good. After the bar closed, one of our new friends was kind enough to let us seek refuge in a haunted theatre. No big deal.  

Perfect way to end a very happy night. I felt like I was back home, somewhere I had never been. I wanted to curl up on the bed in the back and live there. 

I tend to end up in the midst of unexpected adventures when Liz is involved.

I may not be living the life I imagined at 23... and I may be constantly making mistakes... but I have a pretty gorgeous life. It's not perfect, but it's precious. And what makes these moments so significant to me are what others have contributed to the experience. It's wonderful. Thanks everybody.

xoxo - Amanda Rachel

September 18th

I went to explore Dallas. Finally. I don't plan on living here forever, but while I do, I want to really know this place. When I was a kid, I saw Dallas as this place where everything happens outside on a restaurant patio in the late afternoon. 

 I have a memory of riding in a convertible with the top down. I was somewhere between ages six and ten. My dad was driving my brothers and me around Dallas. Nirvana's cover of "Lake of Fire" played, and we were surrounded by these crane-your-neck tall buildings reflecting sunlight. My brain eventually filed this memory away as "DALLAS." 

Now that I'm living in the big D (as far north as one could be, really), I'm eager to get to know it. 

I decided, for no reason in particular, to start with the Bishop Arts District. Which, to my surprise, is really just a small part of a street. I walked around the street by myself with a mega caffeine buzz. It's kind of a cool little place. There are some restaurants I can't wait to eat at. Odd Fellows. Their menu made my mouth water.

I got my coffee, by the way, at Espumoso Coffee & Juice Bar. Starbucks prices (what's up with that? grr..) with a real coffee house feel. I really enjoyed it. Door open, slight breeze. Hi, serenity.

I'm sure these people are very glad I took a picture of them.

I dunno. Espumoso wasn't entirely what I was hoping for. And that's okay because I don't really want my favorite place in Dallas to be that far away. 

 I still miss Karma, which was that very dark and very cozy coffee house in Denton. I'm not a smoker, but I loved that you could smoke inside. Unfortunately, it's now a text book store. Womp womp. 

I did find something very exciting that Sunday, though. Backstory: I fell in love with velvet this summer. Why? Who knows? In June I made velvet curtains for my bedroom (unbelievably cheap). Love them. And then I happened upon Urban Outfitters. I don't think I'd ever been in there in my life. 

Found it!

That's velvet, boys and girls. And it rocks. 

And if the weather would finally cool off, I will feel wonderfully warm wearing it.

And, yeah, that's my to-do list taped to the back of my phone.

xoxo - Amanda Rachel

For Tori

When Tori died, I had this urge to start a blog. It was one of the many inexplicable reactions I had. Maybe it's because it was then that I found out she had been keeping a blog. Or maybe it's because tracking my memories feeds my sentimental nature. Either way, here we are. This is for Tori, who had so much life to live. She's been on my mind every day, and I plan on keeping her there with me. I still don't feel like she's really gone. She was so vibrantly alive that I feel like she's still here with us. Again, I don't know why I suddenly put emphasis on this blog, but it was something I felt compelled to do. Now, two days away from October, I'm sitting down to do it.

So check out her blog. Be excellent to each other. And find love.

xoxo - Amanda Rachel