Happy Halloween

BOO!
Jeff Buckley's website posted this today, and my holiday is complete!!!

Happy Halloween!

xoxo

Amanda Rachel 

Halloween Weekend

Playlist for Halloween weekend:

Of course, #1 - "Don't Fear the Reaper" - Blue Oyster Cult
"Mass Destruction" - Faithless
"Here Comes Your Man" - The Pixies
"Walk" - Foo Fighters
"If You're Not Human" - Daniel Bedingfield vs. The Killers
"We Found Love" - Rihanna (dig the video)
"Best Love You Never Had" - Florence & the Machine vs Beyonce
"Lithium" - Nirvana cover by Little Roy
"Can't Help Falling In Love" - Ingrid Michaelson's cover
"Stay Young, Go Dancing" - Death Cab for Cutie

(I clearly read Q Magazine this week and was excited about the grunge-love.)

Belting, wailing, howling. I love it. That's why I have to add Adele's entire 21 album to my playlist. Plus, her new video for "Someone Like You" is absolutely gorgeous and perfect. Then there's Incubus. I fell in love with Make Yourself in 8th grade. After that came Morning View, which is one of those albums I would sit and listen to from start to finish. I'm really enjoying their latest, If Not Now, When?... The album suits me. It isn't for everyone, but I'll tell you this much - I could spend hours listening to Brandon Boyd howl.

My roommate & I went out last night to a couple of Halloween parties. It made me so happy to see so many people go all-out for Halloween. Those are my people! The decorations were the bomb. The costumes were wonderful. I'm always happy to see a Mario & Luigi duo. 

Here's my meow-fit. See what I did there?

I like to think of this little guy as my inspiration. 

This was, admittedly, a tough weekend. For one, yesterday was the wedding of an old friend of mine. In a way, it's strange that I wasn't there. Strange where time has moved all of us. We've come a long way in five years, and it only gets more bizarre from here.

Still coping with Tori's death. I'm continually surprised by how it seems to have changed me. Still learning how it affects me.

But, I'm here, for now. So until I'm not, I am attempting to experience as passionately and enthusiastically as ever, regardless of what's fair and what's not. 

Over the past few weeks, I've made a substantial addition to my book collection. I'll be trying to catch up for a long while.

Ryan went to the big warehouse sale at Half Price Books. Most of this is his, but he got me a few.

I went to Barnes and Noble today and picked up these magazines. Half Price Books for the poetry & plays.

I need more time for this stuff. I envy my brother's work schedule as a fire fighter. I think that's the way to do it. I would work a 48-hour shift just to have the rest of the week to myself. To actually have a life five days a week, instead of a measly two.

It's funny to think of how much time I really had to myself in college and how little I really did with it. I enjoyed myself absolutely, but now I find myself much more involved with my free time. And maybe that's because in the past, in the pre-workforce days, I spent most of my time and energy on my friendships and relationships, the little dramas and joys. Now it's hard to put as much energy into those friendships, and even harder to put in the time. I'm telling you, this growing up thing is a really sad process for me.

Still, everything is quite okay. There are people I've met through work who feel the same twinge of "am I doing the right thing by being here?" every day. We laugh through it. It's a great relief to get out of my head and laugh about the circumstance with those who are in it, too.

Karly & I have been looking up prices to get to Paris. Leah & I have been talking about California beaches. But tonight I am grateful to be in my Dallas apartment with the windows open and the low-flying planes landing in the private fields. Simplicity is nice. And when Jen Muh moves out here, I'll be fantastically happy. She's the best.

Oh, and I can't wait to go see "Like Crazy" twelve times.

xoxo

Amanda Rachel

Tori's Birthday

Today is Tori's birthday. 10-9-87. 

She was just so cool. It's amazing to see how many people's lives she brightened. 

It's raining today. The pumpkin candles are lit, and I've been listening to Louis Armstrong and Ray Charles all morning.

With Tori gone, it feels more than ever that our high school and college years are where reality exists, and everything that has happened since is just some dream someone's having about the future. It's hard to imagine a high school reunion without Tori. It's hard to imagine never hearing someone call me "Panda" again. Not that I'm particularly attached to the name, but Tori was the only person who ever called me that. She was just so adorable. Always laughing. So much of who she inherently was is what I aspire to be.

There's nothing I can say that isn't incredibly cliche. Yes, I can't believe she's really gone. I can't wrap my mind around the idea that there is no Tori anywhere. I am so, so incredibly grateful that I was such a weirdo in high school and carried a camera around all the time. Here's an unfortunately short clip of Tori when I ran into her after class one day.

We love you Tori.

Take care.

xoxo

Amanda Rachel

Gift Day! September 26

I got gifts galore. Totally unexpected.

My boss and co-workers got me this coffee mug for holding down the fort while they were gone to a conference. This is much snazzier than drinking out of styrofoam cups. It was really sweet of them.

And you can see the tag on my vanilla tea. "Work, but don't forget to live." This one will probably get me through the next eight months.

At our lunch break, Karly gave me a mix CD. How much do I love mix CDs? So much.

xoxo - Amanda Rachel

September 24

Saturday September 24th... Downtown Dallas. 

I went to the Crooked Tree Coffee House. When I walked in... wow. I spent four years of college in Denton, and I felt like I was home sweet hipster-home. Crooked Tree is just like Art 6, but smaller. And the seating was quite a bit more awkward. The only place left to sit was a hard chair at a tiny table facing a wall. But you gotta love that people come here and sit next to each other on comfy couches, doing their business on their laptops.

I know it seems like all I'm looking for is a coffee house. But I didn't go looking for coffee. I just had very little time before I was supposed to meet up with Liz. Coffee is always the quickest solution.

When facing a blank orange wall with my back to someone started to feel way too much like a cubicle, I relocated to the Starbucks by my apartment. What can I say?

Liz & I were meeting for dinner at the Meridian Room. Traffic was crazy, but at least it was scenic. Pictures of sunsets never do justice, but...

Liz & I sat outside with our drinks and caught up after a long time not seeing each other. So good to see her. Look how cool.

We made friends with the people we shared our table with, which is always good. After the bar closed, one of our new friends was kind enough to let us seek refuge in a haunted theatre. No big deal.  

Perfect way to end a very happy night. I felt like I was back home, somewhere I had never been. I wanted to curl up on the bed in the back and live there. 

I tend to end up in the midst of unexpected adventures when Liz is involved.

I may not be living the life I imagined at 23... and I may be constantly making mistakes... but I have a pretty gorgeous life. It's not perfect, but it's precious. And what makes these moments so significant to me are what others have contributed to the experience. It's wonderful. Thanks everybody.

xoxo - Amanda Rachel